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I’m
Sorry: “I want
to say again to the American people how profoundly sorry I am for what
I said and did to trigger these events and the great burden they have
imposed . . . on the American people . . . . I know that my actions and
the events they triggered have made your work even harder; for that I
am profoundly sorry.” “On 6 December 1991 Korean women who identified themsleves as ‘military comfort women’ filed a lawsut against the Japanese government for violating their human rights. They demanded a official apology . . . With this action the women finally started to break their silence and disclose the sexual war crimes committed by the Japanese Imperial Army almost fifty years ago.” (Kazuko, 1994) Introduction Probably no language function has been in the news more lately than the function of apologizing. Week after week, the famous as well as the infamous stand before the public and apologize or, in any case, receive demands for apologies. Hardly a week goes by without some apology or other making the news - often the front pages. Of course Bill Clinton and his "inappropriate behavior" generated a series of lies followed by apologies and then a seemingly endless analysis of the apologies. Whether his apologies were adequate is still a matter for debate. More recently, the Pope's apologies to women, Jews and non-Catholics were in the news for a consider length of time. The issues of the U.S, apologizing to Japan for dropping the atomic bomb, Japan apologizing to Korea for sexually abusing women during World War Two, President Clinton apologizing to African Americans for slavery and, well, it should be pretty clear that apologizing is not something to be taken lightly. The broad landscape of political and religious apologies only serves as a backdrop to this paper. They frequently do, however, make excellent examples. Here, the primary issue at hand is the less dramatic, but perhaps more practical. What is an apology? When should we apologize? How should we apologize? Definitions An apology is essentially an expression of regret, sympathy or fault. Usually there is some degree - sometimes quite small, sometimes quite large - of sorrow, guilt or shame. "Degree" is rather important here because it significantly affects how we apologize. As a first step, let's compare the Thai word for apologizing to the English word that most dictionaries give as a translation. Most Thai-English dictionaries tell the unsuspecting and naive newcomer to Thailand that the way to say "sorry" is sia jai. Thus, after living in Thailand for only a couple of weeks and accidentally bumping into a person at the supermarket, this writer said "sia jai." The response from the Thai, of course, was surprise followed by laughter - because one does not say sia jai in such a case even though one might very well say "I'm sorry." By the same token, you will almost always find "excuse me" rendered as Khaw Thot, another highly misleading translation. Consider, for example, a case where you accidentlly run into a person in a supermarket, knock them down, fracture their arm and knock out three teeth. Many Thais would say khaw thot and, in this case, it would most certainly not be "excuse me." It would be much closer to "I'm sorry." Comparison of the Strength of Thai and English Apologizing Functions Essentially Khaw Thot is vague but versatile, applying to a wide range of circumstances. Sia Ji is more precise and applies to a limited number of circumstances; those requiring the strongest sort of apology. English is the opposite. "Excuse me" applies to a fairly limited number of misdeeds - all minor. "I'm sorry," on the other had, is used for a wide range of things from quite minor to extemely serious. In the case of vague words, of course, both languages us adjectives to be more precise. The point is that Thais, as people the world over, express regret and apologize; they just do it differently that westerners. In addition the limitation of dictionaries and direct translations should be noted. Next, the notion of a strong versus a weak apology needs to be discussed. Characteristics of Determing How Strongly to Apologize First, let's raise the question of whether we only apologize for thing we do. The answer, of course, is that we often apologize for things that we do not do. We say we're sorry for missing someone's birthday party, for example. Thus we have errors of ommision and errors of commission. Second, what about responsibility? Do we only apologize for things that we are responsible for? Responsible, in this sense, means that through our own free choice, we bring something about. Not responsible means that the result was completely out of our own control. In addition, because there are gray areas here, we need to add the notion of intentionality. That is, somethings we are responsible for but they were accidents. Others things we are responsible for and intended to do them. Suppose I walk behind a row of students and accidently touch one of them onthe head. In English, I might "sorry." I am responsible for touching their head but I did not do it intentionally. If we have a car accident and seriously injure someone, we would give a strong apology, perhaps repeat it, give gifts, or compensation and so forth - even if is was unintentional. If we intentionally kill someone, the strongest and deepest kind of apology would be required. Tentive research shows that many Thais think that sia jai is approprite only for the most serious kind of offence - ones that have both serious consequences and were done intentionally. Twenty randomly selected Thais were presented with the following situation: While backing out of the driveway of their home, a woman accidentally runs over and kills her husband. The first time she sees her mother-in-law, what should she say, sia jai or khaw thot? Twelve of the twenty people said "sia jai" and eight said "khaw thot." In addition, some Thais, in a pilot study condcted by the author, suggested that there were times when sia jai would be appropriate for situations of regret (e.g, death of a family member), inability to render assistance or not having time to come to a party. Consequently, for the purposes of this paper, sia jai should be thought mostly as dealing with acts of commission. Further study needs to be done in the area of the uses and misuses of sia jai. In regard to acts of commission, it has been suggested that "repentance" is one translation for sia jai.** Repentance implies a form of apology so strong that, in English, it has religious connotations. Indeed, in English, it is closely connect with the word "sin." In the Pope John Paul's apology, he talked about the sins of the Catholic Church against, for example, women. There are some other interesting aspects relative to the concept of repentance which should be mentioned as an aside. Consider what William Rice (2000) has to say about "repentance."
Notice not only the heavy spiritual connotation, but also its applicability to Buddhism - particularly with reference to the self not being an "ego-bound" entity. Third, sometimes we create situations for which we were responsible and where we acted intentionally; for example the manager who cancels an employee's holiday because the company is short of staff. I would also include the birthday party which we remembered but did not go to. Fourth, there are cases where we say we are sorry for things that we had nothing to do with. We might say, for example, "I'm so sorry your sister died" or, on the week end of the scale, "I'm sorry there are no vancanies." These are expressions of sympathy. We can note that in such cases we use the word "sorry," not "apologize." We do not say, "I apologize for your brother dying unless there is some sense in which we were responsible. We might say, however, "I apologize for giving you an F for English, but you were absent 28 times and failed the midterm and final exams. Finally, another aspect of apologizing should be mentioned. An apology can be formal or informal. Perhaps the most formal sort is written and the least formal sort is non-verbal. A nod of the head if we cut someone off in traffic, a handshake or possibly a hug, are examples of non-verbal apologies. A few possible combinations as well as examples are give in the chart below.
Chart of Factors Influencing Type of Apology We can use some famous example to amplify the chart above. First, the Pope's apology for the crusades, treatment of Jews, women and others was a formal verbal (and written) apology for something he was not responsible for and did not intend to bring about. Bill Clinton's apology for Monica was a formal verbal apology for something he was responsible for and intended to do. Presumably he made informal verbal and non-verbal apologies to his wife. His formal apology for bombing the Chinese embassy in Kosovo was something he was (presumably) responsible for but did not intend (according to him). He may have made informal verbal and non-verbal apologies as well. Formal apologies are interesting in that they frequently involve situations where a representative or figurehead is apologizing not only for something they didn't do, but also for something that is often in the distant past. Consider another apology by Clinton, this time for research on syphilis being done on African-Americans during the 1940s. This research was done without their knowledge or consent. Clinton said:
Notice that Clinton did not take responsibility. Thus, at first blush, such apologies might seem pointless. Some, however, think thay are quite useful. Naomi Wolf (1998) says, "An apology in this case is not an expression of personal guilt." She goes on to say:
Formal apologies are nearly always quite strong. Interestingly, they frequently involve cases where the person doing the apologizing was not responsible for the act they are apologizing for. Apologies of the strong sort - which we can consider sia jai apologies or acts of repentance - always involve responsibility and intentionality. Obviously, it would be absurd for the Pope to repent for the Crusades. It is quite appropriate for Bill Clinton to repent for his "inappropriate behavior," however. From both a personal perspective and a political or group perspective, it is quite clear that the graver the deed, the stronger the apology. From strictly a personal perspective, however, a strong apology is appropriate only in the context of responsibility and intentionality. The strongest form of apology is repentance. In such cases, the apology carries with it some or all of the folliwing:
Apology as Temporary Submission In the Gothic cathedral of Soissons in Northeastern France, there is an interesting example of a non-verbal apology that is also, perhaps, an act of repentance. A stained glass window in the cathedral is, according to some, an apology from King Philip Augustus of France to his wife, Ingebourg of Denmark. It seems that Pope Innocent III blamed the king for a series of famines, floods and fires - the result, said the Pope, of the king repudiating Ingebourg. The queen was officially reinstated in 1201 and King Philip gave the window, which depicts a genealogical map of Jesus according to Isaiah 1.11, to the queen as a gift. (Pastan 1999) Again, sia jai or repenting apologies are only for the most serious personal apologies. Apologies of a lesser degree require weaker adjectives and, as we have seen, can even be non-verbal. In addition, hierchy and submission play roles in the strength or weakness of a apology. Stronger apologies involve higher degrees of submission. That of course, adds a degree of interest to King Philip's apology. Frans de Waal (1999) sees an apology as a termporary submission. "Normally, submission is shown by lower ranking individuals; it signals that they're afraid or seek to appease the dominant. Human apologies use signs of submission but are not strictly bound by the heirarchy (although apologies . . . in our species come a lot more difficult to dominants that to subordinates)." An apology and reconciliation, according to de Wall (1999) are not necessarily the same thing. Reconciliation does not imply submission. "Many animals survive through cooperation," he says. "In order to maintain cooperative relationships despite occasional conflict, some way of reparing relationships is needed. Many animals are far too smart to simply 'forget' what happened between them, so they need a more active process of repair. It involves a complex psychology that we often assume to be uniquely human. But I believe it's much more ancient that we assume." What this means is that reconciliation - often in the form of something non-verbal (including gifts) - is not necessarily identical to an apology. It may, however, be part of an apology. Conclusion Apologizing is one of the most important language functions. Its appropriate use can mend broken relationships, prevent conflicts, put age-old fueds to rest and smooth the road of life and love considerably. An ability to understand how and when to apologize in a cross-cultural context can, indeed, help bring peace to an ever shrinking world, reduce culture shock and help us be happier, more productive individuals. About the Author: Michael Ziesing taught Philosophy in the United States for over 20 years and English at the university level in Thailand for more than 10 years. He now lives in rural Thailand where he is a freelance editor for students' theses and disertations as well as several websites. He can he contacted at: michael@ajarnmichael.com *Originally published in Pasaa Language Journal, Chulalongkorn University, Bangkok, December 2000. **Thanks to Dr. Ruja Pholswad for this suggestion as well as help and encourage for the entrie project. ****** Apologies differ from culture to culture, from language to language. For example, if you've learned sign language, you know that the hand makes a circle around the heart to express sadness. Those learning Japanese will know that there are many ways to apologize, including bowing. And for those of us that have learned English know that a simple "I'm sorry" will do sometimes. Bibliography Clinton apologizes to nation (1999, February 12) Available: http://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/12/12/clinton/ de Waal, F
(1999, September). Many animals are far to smart to simply "forget"
what happened between them. The Academic Exchange [online]. Available:
http://www.cc.emoryedu/ACAD_EXCHANGE/1999/sept99/dewall.html
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